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Intimacy: Caring

What is Caring?

Caring is more than a feeling we have inside us. It is also something we do to show others how we feel and to support them.

We often think "I care about you" or "I care about something," but we have to show it in some way, so others know that we care, otherwise they may not know that we care. If we care about a thing (like a hobby), but don't do anything to nurture it (like make time for it), then it may not thrive or bring us the joy we want from it.

Caring can bring us closer together, helping us build intimacy with others - friends, lovers, playmates, alphas, betas, omegas, doms, subs.

Caring people demonstrate:

Compassion Consideration

Commitment Connection

Honesty Healing

Openness Aftercare

Planning Together Genuine concern

Dependability Understanding

Showing we care can look like:

  • Using your words to tell someone how you feel

  • Journaling about how you are feeling, a sort of letter to your future self

  • Doing something meaningful for yourself or others and expressing the meaning that is has to you or them

  • Listening and reflecting back what you heard to show you're attentive to them

Sometimes we think others don't care about us because...

  • They don't, which is hard to accept, but can be transformative to acknowledge and accept so we can move on

  • We don't understand their methods of showing care

  • We focus on what we want instead of what actually is, but we cannot make people feel something or do something

Sometimes we confuse caring for something else:

  • Sexual desire can exist with or without caring

  • Loving has components of caring, but is usually more than caring

  • People give us or buy us things, but that can manipulate us when underneath it there is not genuine affection and care

Difficulties of Caring

Caring can be tiring and tap energy we have to give, and can feel painful. We have to care for ourselves so that we have the energy and enthusiasm to genuinely care for others. It's okay to take time to care for you so your batteries are charged when someone else needs your care.

When we have lived through trauma and marginalization, we can grow numb from being harmed, not cared about, or not cared for. It's okay to acknowledge that experience of numbness or empty feeling and just work on accepting where they come from. Until we work through them, it can be hard to be close and truly care. Don't force feelings you don't have. True caring feelings will emerge authentically on their own if you create space for them to do so.

BDSM and Caring

BSDM can be an amazing way to care for yourself and others.

People can also use BDSM as a way to enact abuse and uncaring behaviour in the name of discipline, punishment and power or control.

Consensual BDSM should feel good, pleasurable, and you should feel cared about before, during, and after play, even if it looks like or is rooted in things traditionally thought of as not caring or supportive. Work with your partner(s) to build caring into your play.

Social Media Post to Share with Friends.

Want to share this information with someone on social media? Check out Cooper's "Caring" post on Instagram @supportpupcooper. Check out his Sex Ed Posts highlights to find all the pup posts easily.

Want support with your sexuality or relationships?

Support Pup Cooper is a coach and educator who helps pups and kinksters with their sexuality and relationships. He can support all kinds of goals, like improving your sex life, getting more from your relationships, understanding yourself, exploring kink and pup life, and more!

Click here to book a free 30-minute online session and learn how Cooper can help you!


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