We build trust together by learning what others want or need from us, and providing it reliably with care and respect.
Trust is an essential building block of relationships, however formal or informal.
We develop trust in others because they:
Are clear and honest about things
Are consistent and reliable
Are believable and skilled
Have demonstrated patterns over time that make us feel sure and safe
Trust can be earned and given.
Trust can be lost forever, and sometimes we need to learn that someone is not trustworthy.
Trust can be regained with time and intention to demonstrate trustworthiness.
Trust wounds can be healed with care, forgiveness, and communication.
Building and maintaining trust takes active effort. Like anything good, without maintenance it can erode, get tarnished, and fade.
When we meet someone new, we get to decide if it is a casual relationship that has no expectations or a deep connection.
Maybe we need to take some time to wait to see what the relationship will/won't be.
Trust builds safety and is key to consent in kinky relationships. When we have
trust, we can dominate and submit. If we don't have trust, those can be unsafe or risky.
It's one thing to hold a pup's leash, and another top bond with, train, own, and care for a pup, so that they trust you.
It's one thing to wear a collar/leash, and another to be a handler's reliable trusted pup.
When others show us they are not trustworthy, we need to pay attention to that and make decisions about the relationship with the understanding that trust is not there.
When we breach trust with someone, we can work to apologize and change our behaviour to be more trustworthy. We also need to accept that others can determine who we are to them, and sometimes that means accepting that they no longer trust us.
We can move on and learn for the future from both of these experiences.
Communities have learned to trust and not trust people and institutions.
LGBTQ+ people, kinky people, and people of color may not trust schools, medical providers, therapists, etc., because those institutions have harmed their communities.
Such community distrust takes a lot of time and investment to heal those wounds.
Do you know what you need to see in others to trust them?
Do you know what others need you to do so they can trust you?
Do you trust your community? If not, what would you need from it to heal?
Answering those questions can be a first step to improve your relationships and connections.
Social Media Post to Share with Friends.
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