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Sexual Identity: Gender Identity

Who we are and what we call ourselves and others with regard to gender.


Gender identities have always been complex and varied. The Euro-American mindset of binaries (men/boy, woman/girl) are actually not universal.


Around the world, there are gender identities that include and describe people whose gender/sex is complex and nuanced.


Identity is like a label to describe someone or oneself. It can help you know yourself and help others know you.


Identity can be static - it does not ever change. Identity can also be plastic and malleable, changing over time and with experiences that shape us in different ways.


Your identity is YOUR identity. You describe who you are. You decide who knows yours.


Gender identity describes how we experience our gender/sex. It is often described as our inner sense of ourselves in relationship to maleness, femaleness, and other gender ideas.


Some people experience their gender/sex, internal identity, and experience of maleness or femaleness as all the same gender - an experience called cisgender.


Cisgender (or "cis") us more accurate and respectful than older language like "normal."


Identity is a way for us to belong and feel affinity with others like us.


Identity helps others know who we are and gives us language to help them know how to treat us, talk with us, and accept us for who we know ourselves to be.


Gender identity is different than gender expression. Expression is how we show our gender and present ourselves in the world.


Some examples of gender identity are:

  • transgender, transman, transwoman, trans, transboy, transgirl

  • woman, womyn, girl, girly girl

  • man, guy, boy, manly man

  • gender non-conforming (GNC), gender non-binary (GNB), gender expansive

  • queer, gender queer, gender f*#!ing/er, gender bender

  • hindra, two-spirit, muxe, ladyboy, Chibado

  • And sooooo many more!

You get to define your gender identity. How you define it should depend on the language you prefer and that mosts aligns with how you feel.


Sharing gender pronouns tells other people how to talk about you in ways that affirm who you are. For example: he/him, she/her, they/them, she/they, he/they, ze/zir. Some people prefer this name only and no pronouns at all.


Not everyone is ready or comfortable to share their gender identity with other people.


There's a lot we can do to make the pup/kinky community more gender inclusive.


Each of us can do something every day to accept and include others in ways they want us to accept and include them.


What kinksters and pups can do to be more inclusive of all gender identities:

  • Use identity not gender/sex language: people are gender-non-binary, men, women, trans, not male or female. Describe their identity not their genitals or bio-sex.

  • Tell your pronouns: when everyone shared pronouns with our introductions, we make it common practice and inclusive.

  • Correct peers, family, friends: when people around you misgender someone, correct them with compassion. If you have a relationship with someone, you are best positioned to correct them.

Social Media Post to Share with Friends.

Want to share this information with someone on social media? Check out Cooper's "Intimacy" post on Instagram @supportpupcooper. Check out his Sex Ed Posts highlights to find all the sex ed posts easily.


Want support with your sexuality or relationships?

Support Pup Cooper is a coach and educator who helps pups and kinksters with their sexuality and relationships. He can support all kinds of goals, like improving your sex life, getting more from your relationships, understanding yourself, exploring kink and pup life, and more!


Click here to book a free 30-minute online session and learn how Cooper can help you!

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